January 15, 2010
The best thoughts
There are three places where I seem to do my best thinking.
1. The shower
2. Right before I fall asleep
3. Driving in the car at night
The worst thing about all three of those locations is that I never have pen and paper (or laptop) ready to take down my thoughts and notes, so I usually don't remember everything I generate in those instances. The thoughts and notes are about anything and everything, mostly related to important life things, but also times when I reflect upon myself. I just got back from a trip to Windmill Farms a few minutes ago, though, and had a massive brainstorming session. What better place to document my thoughts then online in blog format, where the Internet will never allow me to forget what I have to say. Yes, I know, this is my first post in quite sometime, nearly 9 months. I mean, I could have conceived a baby, been pregnant, and given birth and someone reading this site never would have known. Mind you, none of that happened. Student teaching, school, work, and the occassional vacay have occupied my mind pretty steadily for the past five months. Now that I have a hiccup of air time, this is what I have to say.
1. I'm too accommodating.
I never considered this as being a bad thing before, but recently I've seen how being too willing to sacrifice my happiness to help someone else is really a major flaw. I like to do things for people, but if I make myself too available, I run the risk of getting taken advantage of easily and often. Guess what? It does happen a lot, which leads to my next idea . . .
2. I need to be more assertive
I am a pushover and I like to please people, partially because I like to see people happy, but also because I am a little insecure and somehow think that people will like me more if I am willing to let them do what they want to do or go where they want to go. I am ALWAYS the person who ends up adding extra money to the bill so the waiter doesn't stiffed (Gordon Biersch was a mistake, I promise), who volunteers to drive, who does the work that nobody else will do. . . and guess what? It doesn't make me feel better about myself. It makes me feel like a sucker and makes me feel confused because I don't always get what I expect to get out of the relationships I have to people who receive all of my kindness. I've been referred to as "sisterly" by too many guys to make me think that what I'm trying to do is actually working.
3. I need to take risks.
I am always the one who sits back, analyzes, over-analyzes, before I make any type of decision. If I don't think I am going to be good at something I have never tried, I say that I am no good at something I have never tried and let it stay that way. I don't know why I've never quite had the confidence to throw caution to the wind and do what I want to do because in life, I have proven to myself time and time again that I don't fail at things, or at least not often. I always find a way to make it work and to make it work well. Maybe it's because of all the over-analysis, or maybe because it is true that I am actually good at many things. Sorry if that sounds immodest, but sometimes, I just can't seem to make that connection. Often times I just end up feeling embarrassed and want to remove myself from the situation asap.
How am I going to fix this?
1. Allow myself to be selfish.
I've said this for a long time, and it's usually a chunk of advice I give to other people often, but this is something I need to do for me. I need to stop worrying about what others need or how they feel, not completely, but just when I need to, so I can work on improving myself and making myself happy. I totally know I am a nurturer by nature, but it wouldn't kill me to step away every once in a while so I don't resent not being able to think about myself.
2. Be more assertive.
Simple solution to that problem, but this will probably be my most difficult to accomplish. I need to believe that what I believe is important and that sometimes, I really am the one who is right and the other person really is the one who is wrong. I think I've been able to develop a little bit of this through teaching this year, but I need to get much more assertive because I often find that any lost chance at standing up for myself usually manifests into me being passive aggressive, whiny, or depressed, and I hate, hate, HATE, myself when I get like that. I also need to believe that I won't be alienating people when I defend my thoughts and beliefs. In fact, I'll probably be respected more by others. It sounds cliche, but confidence is an attractive quality and something I'd like to have more of.
3. Take risks
Now this might only be prohibited by my financial situation, but I think that there are inexpensive things I can do in order to satisfy myself in this way. More road trips, more social events, more athletics . . . endless possibilities. The first thing I can think of to satisfy this is to run a half marathon in DC. I know it will be a challenge and a little bit expensive, but it will be a healthy distraction for me over the next couple of months as I start back at school and begin the job hunt. My friend who lives there said he would offer to pay for my entry fee if I decided to do it, so airfare is the only real hump in my way. I've run a half marathon before, so I know I am physically capable.
I was also thinking about a big move, too. I've lived in San Diego all of my life and feel like I've exhausted a lot of options out here. Not to say that San Diego is bad, but in some ways I have a lot of regrets about not going out and exploring more of what this country has to offer. Looking for teaching jobs will certainly allow me to expand a little bit and possibly settle on the the East Coast for a little while. I've taken enough trips out there to know that I would most definitely love a stint out there.
Also, unrelated, but still exciting, my guide teacher told me that the principal at the school I'm teaching at thinks that I am doing a really great job and that she is noticing all of the little extras I do around campus in order to get involved. . . a teaching job in San Diego is a near impossibility for me with the way the school districts are here, but a recommendation from a principal would definitely make me a very strong candidate in the market here and elsewhere. Fingers crossed.
1. The shower
2. Right before I fall asleep
3. Driving in the car at night
The worst thing about all three of those locations is that I never have pen and paper (or laptop) ready to take down my thoughts and notes, so I usually don't remember everything I generate in those instances. The thoughts and notes are about anything and everything, mostly related to important life things, but also times when I reflect upon myself. I just got back from a trip to Windmill Farms a few minutes ago, though, and had a massive brainstorming session. What better place to document my thoughts then online in blog format, where the Internet will never allow me to forget what I have to say. Yes, I know, this is my first post in quite sometime, nearly 9 months. I mean, I could have conceived a baby, been pregnant, and given birth and someone reading this site never would have known. Mind you, none of that happened. Student teaching, school, work, and the occassional vacay have occupied my mind pretty steadily for the past five months. Now that I have a hiccup of air time, this is what I have to say.
1. I'm too accommodating.
I never considered this as being a bad thing before, but recently I've seen how being too willing to sacrifice my happiness to help someone else is really a major flaw. I like to do things for people, but if I make myself too available, I run the risk of getting taken advantage of easily and often. Guess what? It does happen a lot, which leads to my next idea . . .
2. I need to be more assertive
I am a pushover and I like to please people, partially because I like to see people happy, but also because I am a little insecure and somehow think that people will like me more if I am willing to let them do what they want to do or go where they want to go. I am ALWAYS the person who ends up adding extra money to the bill so the waiter doesn't stiffed (Gordon Biersch was a mistake, I promise), who volunteers to drive, who does the work that nobody else will do. . . and guess what? It doesn't make me feel better about myself. It makes me feel like a sucker and makes me feel confused because I don't always get what I expect to get out of the relationships I have to people who receive all of my kindness. I've been referred to as "sisterly" by too many guys to make me think that what I'm trying to do is actually working.
3. I need to take risks.
I am always the one who sits back, analyzes, over-analyzes, before I make any type of decision. If I don't think I am going to be good at something I have never tried, I say that I am no good at something I have never tried and let it stay that way. I don't know why I've never quite had the confidence to throw caution to the wind and do what I want to do because in life, I have proven to myself time and time again that I don't fail at things, or at least not often. I always find a way to make it work and to make it work well. Maybe it's because of all the over-analysis, or maybe because it is true that I am actually good at many things. Sorry if that sounds immodest, but sometimes, I just can't seem to make that connection. Often times I just end up feeling embarrassed and want to remove myself from the situation asap.
How am I going to fix this?
1. Allow myself to be selfish.
I've said this for a long time, and it's usually a chunk of advice I give to other people often, but this is something I need to do for me. I need to stop worrying about what others need or how they feel, not completely, but just when I need to, so I can work on improving myself and making myself happy. I totally know I am a nurturer by nature, but it wouldn't kill me to step away every once in a while so I don't resent not being able to think about myself.
2. Be more assertive.
Simple solution to that problem, but this will probably be my most difficult to accomplish. I need to believe that what I believe is important and that sometimes, I really am the one who is right and the other person really is the one who is wrong. I think I've been able to develop a little bit of this through teaching this year, but I need to get much more assertive because I often find that any lost chance at standing up for myself usually manifests into me being passive aggressive, whiny, or depressed, and I hate, hate, HATE, myself when I get like that. I also need to believe that I won't be alienating people when I defend my thoughts and beliefs. In fact, I'll probably be respected more by others. It sounds cliche, but confidence is an attractive quality and something I'd like to have more of.
3. Take risks
Now this might only be prohibited by my financial situation, but I think that there are inexpensive things I can do in order to satisfy myself in this way. More road trips, more social events, more athletics . . . endless possibilities. The first thing I can think of to satisfy this is to run a half marathon in DC. I know it will be a challenge and a little bit expensive, but it will be a healthy distraction for me over the next couple of months as I start back at school and begin the job hunt. My friend who lives there said he would offer to pay for my entry fee if I decided to do it, so airfare is the only real hump in my way. I've run a half marathon before, so I know I am physically capable.
I was also thinking about a big move, too. I've lived in San Diego all of my life and feel like I've exhausted a lot of options out here. Not to say that San Diego is bad, but in some ways I have a lot of regrets about not going out and exploring more of what this country has to offer. Looking for teaching jobs will certainly allow me to expand a little bit and possibly settle on the the East Coast for a little while. I've taken enough trips out there to know that I would most definitely love a stint out there.
Also, unrelated, but still exciting, my guide teacher told me that the principal at the school I'm teaching at thinks that I am doing a really great job and that she is noticing all of the little extras I do around campus in order to get involved. . . a teaching job in San Diego is a near impossibility for me with the way the school districts are here, but a recommendation from a principal would definitely make me a very strong candidate in the market here and elsewhere. Fingers crossed.
Katy
Most Recent Posts
- Hoot and Howl
- The best thoughts
- Food for Thought
- If you only look at one thing online today . . .
- My money's no good, but I'm to no good
- (view more from Katy)
Active Discussion
Annie Szafranski • January 16th 2010 • Reply
Yes for thinking time in the shower and in the car, sometimes I will take a longer route home in order to do so. It's good to reflect upon yourself often, to see how you've grown, or weakened.
I'm glad you're deciding to do the marathon in DC, you seemed to really want to do it when we talked.
And as for moving, when are you interested in doing so? I can definitely picture you in the east coast, although I have never been, I know it will be a perfect fit.
Also, don't forget to print a piece of paper in a certain room..
Katy • January 16th 2010 • Reply
The half marathon is still questionable, since the plane ticket itself is about $350, but I know doing something like that will make me feel like I'm accomplishing something major and that will be good.
I would probably move sometime in the summer, ideally, somewhere that I have a teaching job and some kind of network. I wouldn't be opposed to the Boston area or in DC/VA/MD or even the Twin Cities, but just somewhere that is not here. I think it would be perfect as well.
I know, I haven't had to print anything to a certain room in a while since I've been doing it at home, but classes start up again next week so I won't have to use that as an excuse anymore!
gina • January 16th 2010 • Reply
Do a different half marathon that is within driving distance so that I can come along like last time. Sucking licorice straws will help you perform to your fullest.
I don't care if you actually HAVE to print anything; just say you do, go in the room, and use the printer. You'll be happy you did.
Jeff Micklos • January 16th 2010 • Reply
I am not going to try an drop knowledge on something I clearly know nothing about so I will keep it brief. I heard a long time ago that the best places to think are laying in bed and in the shower because the sense of comfort (and water[?]) are reminiscent of the Mother's womb. I have no idea if that is true but judging by these responses, we all seem to agree...
Secondly and much more importantly, this is a great exposition on the human condition. You are obviously not the only one that has these problems, actually, these seem to be the most common ones that I have heard. But what is great about you and this post, is that you are actually offering solutions instead of just lamenting. Props for that.
Have you ever seen 500 days of summer?
Annie Szafranski • January 17th 2010 • Reply
If you haven't seen it, and you plan on watching it, don't watch the ending.