May 27, 2009

I started this at 7:45 AM.
I didn't sleep last night.
I came to Salk instead.
I realized yesterday that I broke my 50mm f/1.8 lens when I dropped it on Saturday.
Man down.
He was a good soldier.
My last two finals are on Monday.
I've been sleeping a lot lately but not on a normal schedule.
I seem to lack the motivation to get up and do things that I need to do.
I think it's because I get bored with things easily.
I blame that on change.

I used to fear change. I didn't really like having to adapt to new things. I liked being content living in the world I knew and not being forced to face the unknown in fear it would change things for the worse. Sometimes it did but sometimes it made things better. A lot of things in my life have been changing recently and its because I finally am the one making the changes instead of being forced to follow them. I like change now, I love new things and I'm much more open minded. It's made my life a lot better. I feel like I've somewhat spoiled myself with everything because obviously I am going to choose to try new things that interest me. Once I get bored of that I look for something new to catch my interest. Now, when faced with something I don't really have a choice on (e.g. college courses), once I get bored with them I just want to move on to the next thing. I am no longer motivated to do well, my only concern is that I pass. Which, I know, is a terrible outlook to have, but I just don't care anymore for some things. I'm bored and I don't care. And college isn't the only thing this applies to. So now I need to change that, but that requires motivation. Perhaps this outlook is heading me towards a precipice in which I'll be forced to change, and that will be my motivation, but I hope it doesn't get that far. I'd like to have something else than fear be my motivation.



Random Thought:

All dreams are bad dreams,
When all your good dreams,
Make you wish you could sleep,
And dream,
Forever.

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